they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
