look no pants
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
