The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
