i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
