We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
