First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
