Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So squirting runs in the family.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
