Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
