The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Quick, to the slutcave!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
