but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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