No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
