She is in my trunk
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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