Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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