so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
