So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
