dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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