I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
