Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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