This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Semen is not good for contacts.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
