When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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