Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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