and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
