Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
