sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
