Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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