Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
