she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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