Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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