Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
