Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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