If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
