It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
