there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
