just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
