People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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