proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
