I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
