my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
