doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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