we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
