Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
