Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
