I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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