Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
