so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
