I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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