i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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