wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
