i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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