i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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