the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
