And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
