His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
