totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
