I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
