So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't notice because vodka
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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